Power of Choice
I give my hats off to all the military families that are apart for years at a time. This past year I lived seperate from my husband for a full year and found it wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be….
September of 2022, We picked up and moved to Santa Rosa Beach, Florida for my job. After Covid, my sweetie lost his job of 7 years at Disney. This led us to the choice to move where I got a promotion to Assistant Manager. I was excited but sad to leave an area we thought we would retire in. I love the beach and was excited at what this life would look like. I touched the beach every single day. My husband on the other hand doesn’t love the sand and gets sunburned pretty easy, so it was clear he was giving a try for me. Fast forward through a winter in a resort beach town, I got promoted again to a Store Manager contract to open a store where none existed already.
It would just be for a year, I thought.
By this time, he also worked for the same company. This meant we couldn’t work in the same location as not to show favoritism. Besides I can’t be the boss of my husband. That would be so awkward! So, off I went to live by myself 3 hours away to Montgomery, Alabama to open a pop up where the closest store is over 2 hours away.
For a year, I had an awesome Bean bag couch, a chair in the kitchen with a foldable desk (which really was a glorified tv tray) and a mattress on the floor in a 2 bedroom apartment. This apartment was way too nice for me with a view of this little lake that always had interesting birds in it. I was on the top floor, I had a real working fire place and a giant tub separate from the shower! This was a beautiful place that felt like a total oasis (except I never had food in the fridge). By far my most expensive item in my home was the bean bag couch! The only thing missing…. my sweetie! I lived like a total bachelorette: ate cold soup out of the can, I played my virtual reality game endlessly and without my sweetie around, I threw myself 10000% into my work. It didn’t help that I only lived 7 minutes away…
I want to be really clear that I don’t NEED a partner to make me happy! I could be happy inside of a paper bag. I make my own joy. However, what I noticed and what I was present to through this experience was my level of fulfillment was dropping. No matter how successful I was, something in my soul was dropping and at first I didn’t really realize till it was really low. I can tell when I don’t want to work out, it means I’m not inline with my true self. My level of satisfaction especially when I found myself going through down times with no real support… this was not the life I wanted to live. I want to play with my husband, chase him around the house and get weird. I wanted to hug him and tickle him or cry and get squeezed. This life alone was not what I had been creating. Without this support, without having someone to vent to except by phone (which is not at all satisfying), and without fulfilling my love language of touch or his of quality time, I felt really lonely really deep inside myself. I was with people everyday so it wasn’t a social need, it was a deep connection I wanted. To compensate I just kept throwing myself more into work. This never works.
As you can probably imagine, eventually simply pushing through it leads to burn out. You have probably experienced this yourself or even experiencing it now. I was lucky enough to be part of a program where I was reminded that I don’t have to simply take what I am given or just accept what is. I am so much more powerful than that! I have magic, and so do you!!
When I was 25, living in New York with 2 cats and a growing business, I never would have imagined that all I really would want in my 40’s is to have a thriving garden, to brew kumbucha, and make pickles while squeezing my sweetheart. When I’m honest with myself, I’m really simple and joy is a pretty flower and birds in the backyard.
The magic is made in making a powerful choice. After heavy consideration and really amazing coincidences, I took my sweetie, fit all our stuff in a van and drove from the emerald coast of florida to the rocky shore of Maryland. This was white knuckle driving through the back roads of nowhere trying not to hit deer till we hit a highway we could recognize. Now I live where I am surrounded by my growing garden, I’m brewing delicious (and not so delicious, i’m still learning) kumbucha, all while squeezing my sweetie. (I’m still working on the pickles.)
Everything I ever share here on my blog or on my podcast always comes back to choosing yourself! This sounds like a really easy thing to do, but there are sometimes things that get in the way from letting your heart choose the path. I had no idea what Maryland would hold. I still don’t. The biggest killer of fulfillment is fear. It stops us in our tracks from choosing what is in our hearts because where we are standing is safe. Even though I grew up in Northern Virgina- DC metro area, I had no idea if I would like living there again in my middle age. I wasn’t sure if my husband would like it here! All I knew is if we stayed in the situation we were in, that would be safe, but it wouldn’t bring either of us joy. I will never regret choosing joy!
Choosing joy means owning who you are. Owning what you want. Owning that you are weird… and its all perfectly imperfect. You, and I mean YOU, are beautiful just the way you are. Every want and need that brings you light and joy is what will make you shine and we need some bright stars on this dark planet. As you go on this crazy journey of life remember that YOU get to make it what you want. My adventure involves taking my honey to different places and sharing my concoctions with others. What does your joy look like?
