Do Something Different
There is a secret to doing something different.
Last week was the first week that I went dancing on a Thursday night. After going to Camp Wonderful I was totally inspired to add fun into my week. One of my friends intro ducted me to the Frim Fram Jam. It’s Lindy hop dancing, which is like swing dancing. It’s really fun. It is partner dancing that your partner pretty much twirls you around. I really enjoy it.
The part I think I love the most about it is that I’m moving and that I get to connect with someone else while I’m dancing.
The part that I do not like about it is all the twisting and turning. I have never been so nauseous that I want to vomit like this before. I am a roller coaster babe. Something new I get to deal with I guess.
This last time was different.
The last time I went I stayed about an hour before I decided to go home. The last time I went I did not feel as successful as last week. Last week I had the feeling that “yeah, I rock at this and it’s awesome! I had a blast even though I’m nauseous!!” Not this last time. I felt like I sucked this past week.
I thought about it a little and decided it was probably a combination of two things. 1) Totally me! I’m so new at this whole dance thing. 2) Some of the partners that I danced with were also very clearly new at this too! There were a lot more people this time so I was tripping and stepping on people. That made me feel really clumsy. What was worse is I danced with this one guy who really made me feel like a total novice.
It left me with a feeling that I shouldn’t be there.
I sat down for a song to make the world stop spinning. I watched the room and just basked in the energy of pure joy that everyone was having. This one gentleman was dancing with another guy. They were amazing! They were playful and free so I thought ooh he’d be fun partner. I was going to go home so I wanted to end the night on a high note. This guy will be it! And I walked over to him. “Will you dance with me? But be gentle with me, I’m new.” I have now decided not to say anything from now on because his attitude about it wasn’t playful like I had meant it. Instead he was quite condescending. We moved really slowly and though I was new, I had been thrown around all night with a whole host of other people. I wasn’t asking for a lesson. ” Do you drive?”, he asked. “Yes.” I said. I had no idea where that random question came from. “How do you drive a car?”. “You grab the wheel.” “How do you make a right or a left turn?”. “You turn the wheel”. At this point I was confused and annoyed cause I wanted to dance he was wasting time. Lets do this! Throw me around! “Before that?!” He said abruptly. “Do you look? How do you look?”
I mimed driving and looking over my shoulder. His whole point, make sure to look over your shoulder so you don’t hit other people. That was our dance together. I couldn’t tell if this was a response to my ‘I’m new’ or had he watched me and thought this chick is reckless… And our whole dance was super slow, and really condescending.
I couldn’t leave with that as my last dance.
I found a super tall dude who threw me around and because he was so tall he aimed me for other people with reckless abandon. I liked that better!
So that was how I left the night. And I thought deeply as I made my way home, about the risk of doing something different.I was doing something different, I was doing this Lindy dance that I had never done before. I was inspired about what my life could look like with more fun in it and I stepped into that possibility by adding action. It’s really easy to let one little setback, bad feeling or hiccup stop you from continuing to do something different, from stepping into a new possibility for yourself.
I actually had a moment where I thought, I don’t need to do this again.
Then my second thought was that, why are going to let this one guy, this one night, this one fleeting feeling take away your joy of something that otherwise have been enjoying? Screw that! I’m going to keep going!
Remember that to have something different in your life, you have to DO something different. And Different can be uncomfortable!
There are 4 secrets to keep doing something different, especially if it’s uncomfortable.
#1 You have to get clear about what it is that you want in your life!
For instance, I decided I wanted to do pull ups. I actually want to be able to do 10 pull ups, like a dude, no problem! Just boom, boom, boom! Just pop them out! The second I had that thought, I found a pull up bar in New York, for free. (Dumpster diving, fine I’m dumpster diver.) People leave stuff when they don’t want it and there was sign that said the stuff was free.
I took it, so now I have a pull up bar at home. Now part of my routine to regularly do a set of pull ups. I can probably do one, but the only way to be able to do two, and eventually get to 10 is to start working on it, right?
So I got clear. Now I know what actions to do differently once I got clear.
#2 Find a Buddy
This is why coaches exist. We hold you accountable, we keep you in action, and we allow you no space to be small. The problem is when we’re by ourselves, when we don’t have a buddy, when we don’t have a coach, when we don’t have a peer, when we don’t have someone in our corner, our own stories of why we can’t do it take over.
I have a business coach, and my business coach does not take my bullshit. Once you declare what you want, let someone you respect hold you accountable to what it is that you say you want. It’s easy to hide, it’s easy to not share. The second you share, the people that stand for your greatness allow you the space to really step into your greatness, because you said so. They won’t let you be small.
#3 Find the fun
In doing something different, you have to find the fun, you have to find the play in creating the life that you want. I realized once I came back from Camp Wonderful that the one thing that was missing in my life was this idea that I wasn’t finding the fun, I wasn’t finding the play. And when I started to explore what that might be, this is why I started dancing.
Your expression of play might be different than mine. It doesn’t have to be dancing. I have a client who wants to write a book and their idea of fun is in the process of writing. If that’s your fun, do that! Find the fun. Whatever that is for you!
I have another client who is finishing her dissertation, and getting her doctorate. Find the fun, even if it’s not in the action you’re taking in this moment, can you find the fun in the journey to the destination? There was reason she started that journey to get her doctorate. Their was something that meant something for her. So you have to connect back to the fun.
And the last piece I think is the most important, especially for those of you who are perfectionists, you have to have it all figured out. Analysts people who have to analyze everything,
#4 Let go of Perfection
To really stay in action doing something different, creating the life you want is to let go of perfection. It will never be perfect, you will never have everything figured out. And even if you do, things will still go wrong. So if you can at least get into action, at least you can steer yourself where you need to go.
You can not steer anywhere if you’re not in action. Try to move the steering wheel of a car that’s not moving. You can’t. But if the car is at least moving, you can change the direction that you’re in, even if you’re moving in the wrong direction. So start to take action and let go that it has to be perfect.
That was my thought from yesterday when I came home from Lindy dancing. Alright so I wasn’t perfect, it didn’t go the way I wanted and I’m nauseous. But I did have fun. My purpose was met. I added play back into my week. I’m going to stay in action and I’m going to continue dancing again because I know what I want. I know I want fun and play in my life. Worse case scenario, I go a couple of more times and I don’t enjoy it, I’ll find something different.
I want you to find whatever it needs to be for you,that is different that will have you have a different life.
If anything that I said resonated with you, then I really want to have a conversation with you. I want to help you be in action so I will give you a free 30 minute conversation. We’ll consider it an assessment to just look at where you are and what actions you need to be takingin order to have the life that you want.
When I do these assessment sessions, I look at four areas of your life:
1. Business/ Career (Whatever makes you money)
2. Your spiritual health
3. Your physical health
4. Your mental health
And we break it down to what that needs to look like for you because everyone is different. Schedule yourself onto my calendar here
Step into your best self. Keep dancing!!!